Prison is not an easy place to change. People say it is meant for rehabilitation, but what it really teaches you first is how small you are.
You live under authority every second of the day. If you want to move, you need permission. If you want to eat, sleep, speak, or even use the toilet, you need permission. And if permission is denied and you act anyway, punishment follows quickly and without mercy.Before prison, I believed I was in control of my life. I wasn’t a violent man, but I was a desperate one.
Hunger, addiction, pride, and fear pushed me into places I never imagined I would go. I robbed churches—not because I hated God, but because I believed He would understand. That may sound twisted, but in my mind, churches were places of forgiveness. I told myself the money would be replaced. I told myself no one would get hurt. And before every robbery, I prayed.I didn’t pray for forgiveness. Not really. I prayed for success. I prayed not to get caught. I prayed that the doors would be unlocked, that no one would walk in, that my hands wouldn’t shake.
Looking back, that was the first lie I told myself—using faith as a shield instead of a mirror.When I was finally caught and sentenced, prison stripped away every illusion I had. Inside those walls, prayer changed meaning. You pray because you have nothing else. You pray because you are powerless.
You pray because nights are long, guilt is loud, and silence can crush you harder than steel bars.In prison, no one cares about the excuses you made on the outside. You are reduced to your actions. Every bad decision sits beside you in your cell. And that is where real prayer begins—not asking God to help you escape consequences, but asking Him to sit with you while you face them.I began to understand the difference between fear and faith. Fear prays to avoid pain. Faith prays to endure it. Slowly, painfully, I started changing—not because the system reformed me, but because I could no longer lie to myself.Today, I carry the weight of what I did. Some doors never reopen.
Some trust is never fully restored. But I no longer pray before doing wrong. I pray before doing right—because doing right is harder, quieter, and asks more of you than stealing ever did.I robbed churches thinking God was inside the building. Prison taught me that God was waiting inside me the whole time.
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